I recently had a close relative come and stay with me for a couple of weeks, she was coming to help my wife and I with the birth of our new baby. After she left I was left in awe to see how blind-sighted we are to our own selfishness and how that- very selfishness convinces us to believe we are really really good people. I will use this relatives stay with us as an example of this reality, after my daughter was born my wife was exhausted after losing so much blood, her iron levels where very low and had very little energies for anything else but for the attention of our daughter, so Bea some days was just hiding away in the bed room bonding with Tulasi and regaining her strength. This relative that was feeling a little neglected and on some days of not seeing Tulasi, started to feel a little upset. Then came the depression and tears, she wanted to help and her heart was in the right place. But in that very notion of helping us was the tint of what she wanted, and because she was not getting what she needed from us and the new baby the whole atmosphere of the house became tense. Bea started to stress [the last thing anyone needs after giving birth] which then just made her more exhausted.
THIS IS JUST A ROUGH SKECTH OF WHAT HAPPEN
Now as the third person in all this I could see that selfishness exists in all of us, but some peoples needs at certain times comes before our own [eg like a new mum that has just given birth]. But what surprised me [ I don't know why it surprised me] was how this relative started to say things like "I 'am just trying to help, I don't or didn't want to upset any one" So I confronted her by saying yes I know that was not your intention but because your not getting to see Tulasi as much as you like and Bea doesn't have much energy and time to give you. Your getting upset with all this" [then the old make you feel guilty act jumps in] "fine I'll just leave then" "no one wants me here". "I said look no one wants you to leave no one said that or has expressed that, if you want to help then do what you can. But the very fact that we have to deal with this is draining our energies, especially Beas, just help do what you can"
But even after talking with her for 2 hrs straight nothing change, but she honestly thought she was doing the right thing or that she was in the right and her feeling where the reality of the situation. And maybe a small fraction of what she was feeling was correct, and we were not meeting her needs. But this got me pondering and I started to meditate on how hidden this nature was. I know I have many faults but maybe there is more then I can see??? the very fact that most people consider them selves to be good like this close relative but couldn't see this inherit flaw "what about me" as a flaw in her good character. She thought it normal to behave like this and that she had no wrong part in the tension what so ever. obviously as devotees we understand that we are just covered in the modes, but I tried to explain the modes to her but she couldn't identify the modes with herself. "What's that got to do with me" she said "so your telling me you can't see what's wrong with this attitude of what about me, me me me me me.
It's about me, I want to be the centre, I want to be God!!! This is our first sin the apple in the bible and this is the covering that has become so thick that now we are blind. I am not just talking about my relative but every single one of us, and most defiantly this includes "me". So if I am blind I must seek help from some one who can see "naturally" its the most commonsensical thing to do, is it not?
selfish |ˈselfi sh |
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure :
DERIVATIVES
selfishly adverb
selfishness noun
selfless |ˈselfləs|
adjective
concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own; unselfish : an act of selfless devotion.
DERIVATIVES
selflessly adverb
selflessness noun
Indeed this is the greatest journey in life the most exciting endeavor and the most rewarding experience we can ever have [ destroying our false reality of mind,intelligence and false ego and uncovering our real selves]. This is the greatest battle on this planet and the only one worth fighting, lets start by observing others devotees non-devotees and see how covered they are. So you may know how covered you are! how selfish, self absorb and how much we are addicted to that reality of "ME",me,me,me,me,me,me. Fight and win the battle for Krishna you can't lose all you have to do is stand up and fight never give up and become the pure servant we already are. Hare Krishna :]
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