In this age it is said that the divine and demoniac are contain in one body, and their is a struggle from within. In the past few weeks I can say that this is true although I have seen and been through this fight many times before. This time however being a little "older", with just a little bit of spiritual association and practice I can see my sort falls with the help of others.
I have become overly judgmental and overly critical of other spirit souls, judging their behavior and actions and criticizing their point of view. In the end I have fed that demoniac nature where all this spouts from in the first place, whether devotee's, "devotee's" or non devotee's this attitude towards others is a pit fall on this path back to Godhead.
So I have been pondering where and why do I feel and think this way, asking my self question like "do I really envy others"? "do I really think my self that much better then them"? do I really care for the well fare of these living servants of God? My answer has to equal yes to the first two and no to the last one.
But this last question is what I have been thinking about for a while now "do I really care for these servants of God" ? The greater part say's yes! then why do my actions not fit into into this answer?. Over the past few months I have been getting colder more inconsiderate and more intolerable to others their feeling and where they are at. WHY? when I am on this path of Bhakti Yoga ["loving devotional" service to krishna]. Where is the love for God and all that is his? "in my judgment"? "in my criticizing"?
The very nature of these things does not come from love but envy. It must be envy! envy so deep in my heart that these two factors are the outwards manifestation pointing to the reality inside. This demon from within is only strong because I desired it so and with the same tool "desire" it can be crushed, for if I desire Krishna and nothing but Krishna then automatically my demons will be crushed. Now the question is do I really desire Krishna??? "I would say yes" maybe thats why I'm going through all of this inner fight? is this the process the beginnings of the fight to destroy my illusory coverings. Only time will tell! Honestly I know these are traits I really do not want in my life.
2 comments:
Hi Ryan!
I believe that the one quality that a devotee should have is the attitude to serve the Lord. Service to the Lord comes from providing service to other devotees.
Anyway, are you associated with Iskcon?
Sorry for the late reply I just saw your comment. Yes I am a devotee of Krishna devotees coming down the line of srila A.C Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Are you on the same line or of another?
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